Yesterday was my last Sunday at Korean Presbyterian Church of New Orleans where I had been serving as a pianist since 2006. Now I am going to be teaching children and probably youth as well in my new church as a minister. Whenever I hear the word “minister” I think about the great pastors and ministers I have encountered in my life whom I normally thought to be much much much better and mature than I am. Pastors and ministers have always been the people, in my mind, who deserve my respect and honor. Now, to many people, I am going to be seen as one of them. Ha… really?! Just thinking about it somewhat scares me because I am very much aware of myself. I don’t deserve any respect or honor.
Just to share little bit about myself .. I grew up in a Christian home. I went to church every Sunday since I was an infant. I was a very good kid, I can confidently say, until I turned to 13. My dad at that time surrendered his life to God’s calling to ministry. O, well, I hated it. I hated so much that I made all kinds of troubles as much as possibly I could make just to show my parents how resentful I was. I became a very wild, so-called, pk. At that time, I was very resentful toward my parents but more toward God. To me, my parents were very devoted to Him, but my family always had to deal with financial problems. I often said to God, “If You are truly loving, if You really care, why is my family always suffering? I hate You. I really hate You that You called my dad to ministry.”
But here I am loving God so much. He is my only hope and reason for my life. God has been working so faithfully in my life that I now understand how blessed my family is and how blessed I am to be able to serve Him. But still, how can I serve as a minister? Other people are much much much better than I am. Am I worthy to be His servant? Well, no. Absolutely No. I am not even worthy to be His servant, yet, by His grace, I am called to be His servant. Whether I am called to be a minister or just Hannah does not really change anything because the names don’t matter. What really matters is that I am serving God. I am just being used by God.
The only Way: Jesus
I was reading through the first few chapters of Exodus where Moses is called by God to bring the Israelites out of Egypt. When God called Moses, he was a murderer and a fugitive. Moses was aware of himself being not worthy of doing God’s work so asked, “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” (Exo. 3:11/NIV) The rest of Moses’ response to God’s call shows how Moses thought about himself not being worthy of his call. Yet, as we all know, Moses obeys to God and becomes one of the greatest leaders of the nation of Israel in history. He actually leads the people out of Egypt. No, no, no, no, no. It was not Moses who led the Israelites out of Egypt. It was God who brought Israel out of Egypt. God used Moses to perform His wonderful work for His people.
Notice in Exodus 6:6-8, God says to Moses, “Therefore, say to the Israelites: ‘I am the LORD, and I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment. I will take you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the LORD your God, who brought you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. And I will bring you to the land I swore with uplifted hand to give to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob. I will give it to you as a possession. I am the LORD.”
This story taught me several things that I want to remember for the rest of my life as I serve Him. First, I am not called because of who I am but because God is gracious and merciful and loving. Second, God is the LORD of Abraham, of Isaac, of Jacob, of Moses, and of me. Third, I am only called to be used by God. I can’t do anything but God will work through me to bring out great things for His glory.
I am very excited about my new journey that God is about to unfold before me! Woohoo!